Amazed ...

I grow more amazed by the day. I cannot even begin the phathom how she feels. I see the results of this wear on her body everyday. I see the constant checking of her sugar. I see that she cannot eat her favorite things. I see her get out of breath walking up the hills in our neighborhood. I see the swollen ankles at night. I hear the nightly trips to the bathroom. I see the occassional cringe when Turner kicks too hard in unfortunate spots. I see them, but I cannot feel them. I guess that's both the beauty and tragedy of fatherhood.

There are several times that I think to myself that there is no way I can be a good father. Being a father means providing a better life. It means passing on knowledge, but most times I find myself with more and more questions and less and less answers. Fatherhood means taking care of everything ... but even now I mess up with just to two of us. If it wasn't for Julie, I'd be completely lost.

Then I look at Julie. I don't know how she does it. She gets up early, I mean 5:30 a.m. early. She goes to work in the most admirable profession. She works on her masters. She puts on the Service League 5K. She makes sure the bills are paid. She handles the physical and emotional aspects of pregnancy. She is simply amazing. She always gets things done.

I'm amazed beyond belief at what this beautiful woman can do. I know that she makes me look better. She picks up my slack. She carries my fumbles for touchdowns. She keeps me in line like no one else can when I get a big head or get cocky. She is my rock. I know that this baby will mean a lot of change for me, for us. I know that it will be the biggest change to ever hit my life. I know that it will become less about me and more about them. I know that with the hand of God I can do it. I'm not perfect, but with Julie I feel perfectly complete.

Sometimes I get nervous. Sometimes I get concerned. Then I look at her and I am amazed.